October 25,2012, Author's note: For this blog and news about my upcoming book, please visit my new site Andrea Garst.
Perfection is totally overrated. All my life, I have had people accuse me of being "perfect" or of thinking that I am "perfect". This always confuses me. Inside my little world, I am completely and totally IMperfect. I beat myself up to the point that it is not healthy. I cry and scream and lose my temper. I find myself having to apologize to many people. I have even been guilty of sending a couple of hotly worded emails to my boss and coworkers. I have learned that what I think of myself is not at all congruent with what others think of me, and this fact disturbs and confuses me. Consciously, I think I am one of those people who "lets it all hang out". I also get accused of being "too sensitive". If I were to build my life around what others think of me, I would be a study in inconsistency.
I have become acutely aware that most of what others think of you is actually a projection of themselves. When I am accused of being "perfect", this is a reflection of another person's perceived IMperfections of themselves. Why else would someone be crazy enough to think that I am without flaws? Or, even more astounding, that I THINK I am without flaws? When I am accused of being "too sensitive", this is simply their insecurity about being INsensitive. Next time you find yourself on the other end of an accusatory finger pointing, think about it this way and see if it makes sense to you. I have found that it makes a lot of difference in how I respond, and I can stay calm. I can even have compassion for the fact that this other person needs to release some of their pain so that they can feel better. I don't have to accept it, but I can watch them let it go.
I have had a really busy and emotionally crazy week so far, and it's only Tuesday!! Today I came home to a mess and yelled at my son. I found myself apologizing to him after I had taken a few deep breaths. My overwhelming day is not his problem. I can find validation in this situation, and I know my son will be the first to tell you, I AM NOT PERFECT! I am more human than I would like to be, some days. So next time you find yourself judging another person's behavior, think about it from the other side. Allow yourself to be human and practice forgiveness for yourself, as well as others. I promise it will not make you perfect:) And why would you want to be?
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Friday, August 03, 2012
You are HERE
You may have heard a lot of talk about "living in the moment". I'd like to offer you a different perspective on this topic. When I first heard of this idea, I was bound tightly to scheduling and planning, which left me anxious and in a state of constant worry. A friend suggested that I try to "live in the moment", which was met with extreme skepticism from my analytic brain. Over the past couple of years, I have researched this topic, taking note that there are as many interpretations as there are people.
One of the most popular interpretations seems to be prevalent among younger people, as well as those with Peter Pan complexes. This involves no planning of any kind, making no commitments, and usually depends on the fact that another person pays the bills. Each choice is made without any thought, and many times without any consideration for others. This lifestyle choice is rarely possible past the age of 18, but I certainly know of older people who have chosen this for themselves. I know of one young man who declares to anyone who asks, "I'm homeless, I don't want a job!" This statement is normally followed by a request for money, or some other favor. He feels as if responsibilities are "too intense" and prefers to sleep on the beach. This would be an extreme example of "living in the moment".
The more middle of the road approach to this philosophy is where most people arrive. They have jobs, contribute to society, and usually have families. They make plans and commitments, considering others, as well as themselves. The one source of stress for them is the future. You hear things like, "I can't wait until Friday!" or even "I can't wait until vacation!". This is all very common so none of us think much of it. However, I have observed, that while you are focused on the future, even if it is just a day away, you are missing out on important things happening RIGHT NOW. When you are having a "bad day" it is very tempting to block it out, and focus on a time when "things will be better". I used to tell myself, "It's darkest before the dawn", and in this way, I was able to pull myself out of depression and "make it". However, I have recently started really focusing on not missing a single minute of my life, and I find that escaping those low moments cheated me out of a lot of my life!
The best example of this for me was when my kids were born. I remember being up sleepless nights, changing diapers, breastfeeding difficulties, and many other things which, at the time, I considered to be unpleasant. I couldn't wait for them to grow up and be independent so I could get some sleep and do my own thing! Well, I got what I wished for, 17 years later. My oldest son is going off to college soon, and he spends his time doing just about anything but hanging with me. He is a great kid, and I miss him. I think about those nights when he had a high temperature and I had to get in a tepid bath with him to bring it down. I think about all the days we spent at the park together, and I wanted to talk to my friends but he begged me to push him on the swings. It's all equally precious to me, NOW. I wish I had appreciated it more THEN.
When you live in the future, or even the past, you are missing your life. You are missing the lessons, and the grateful heart you will have when things go well, because you were in the trenches when things weren't going as you hoped. When things don't go as planned for me, I am thankful that I can be open to the fact that I may not know as much as the Creator. My plan for myself is limited to what I know, and to live a life without limits and expectations is what I want. I am at peace with the fact that every experience has value, and I don't want to miss any of it.
"Enjoy this moment, it is your life" ~ Way of The Peaceful Warrior
One of the most popular interpretations seems to be prevalent among younger people, as well as those with Peter Pan complexes. This involves no planning of any kind, making no commitments, and usually depends on the fact that another person pays the bills. Each choice is made without any thought, and many times without any consideration for others. This lifestyle choice is rarely possible past the age of 18, but I certainly know of older people who have chosen this for themselves. I know of one young man who declares to anyone who asks, "I'm homeless, I don't want a job!" This statement is normally followed by a request for money, or some other favor. He feels as if responsibilities are "too intense" and prefers to sleep on the beach. This would be an extreme example of "living in the moment".
The more middle of the road approach to this philosophy is where most people arrive. They have jobs, contribute to society, and usually have families. They make plans and commitments, considering others, as well as themselves. The one source of stress for them is the future. You hear things like, "I can't wait until Friday!" or even "I can't wait until vacation!". This is all very common so none of us think much of it. However, I have observed, that while you are focused on the future, even if it is just a day away, you are missing out on important things happening RIGHT NOW. When you are having a "bad day" it is very tempting to block it out, and focus on a time when "things will be better". I used to tell myself, "It's darkest before the dawn", and in this way, I was able to pull myself out of depression and "make it". However, I have recently started really focusing on not missing a single minute of my life, and I find that escaping those low moments cheated me out of a lot of my life!
The best example of this for me was when my kids were born. I remember being up sleepless nights, changing diapers, breastfeeding difficulties, and many other things which, at the time, I considered to be unpleasant. I couldn't wait for them to grow up and be independent so I could get some sleep and do my own thing! Well, I got what I wished for, 17 years later. My oldest son is going off to college soon, and he spends his time doing just about anything but hanging with me. He is a great kid, and I miss him. I think about those nights when he had a high temperature and I had to get in a tepid bath with him to bring it down. I think about all the days we spent at the park together, and I wanted to talk to my friends but he begged me to push him on the swings. It's all equally precious to me, NOW. I wish I had appreciated it more THEN.
When you live in the future, or even the past, you are missing your life. You are missing the lessons, and the grateful heart you will have when things go well, because you were in the trenches when things weren't going as you hoped. When things don't go as planned for me, I am thankful that I can be open to the fact that I may not know as much as the Creator. My plan for myself is limited to what I know, and to live a life without limits and expectations is what I want. I am at peace with the fact that every experience has value, and I don't want to miss any of it.
"Enjoy this moment, it is your life" ~ Way of The Peaceful Warrior
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