No pain, no gain?

A friend and I were talking the other day, and he was clearly suffering from some recent events, yet he insisted that he was "fine" and didn't want to talk about it. He wanted to be "tough" and minimize his feelings, since most people don't want to hear anything that is perceived to be negative. Men are raised to be ridiculed for letting sadness show, and it seems that anger and happiness are the only truly accepted emotion for a man. For a woman, she is even more limited, as she may not show anger, but is allowed to be sad or happy. Excitement is optional but frowned upon in both sexes, unless it is in a very controlled amount. Do you know people who adhere to these ridiculous rules of society? Are they happy and well adjusted? Or are they keeping their emotions bottled up for fear of shame and ridicule from others?

Pain is there to show us what we need to work on. If you are trying to make a decision, and one choice is painful, but the other is not, look closely. Often the painful choice is the right one. It just throws us out of our comfort zone and this is unfamiliar territory. It is a challenge to ask yourself the hard questions, and many of us will choose to deaden our emotions by distracting ourselves with addictions or other vices. This comes in many forms, the most common ones are drinking and drugs, and the gamut runs all the way to over exercising, over working, and even over socializing. When you keep yourself out of pain, you are also locking away that information which can teach you things about yourself and move you forward. I hear how busy people are, and these are also the people who "don't have time for (fill in the blank)". Looking more closely, these people are hiding from their fear of themselves. If you do not have time to sit and be still every day, you are missing out on something very important: YOU. If you hear yourself apologizing over and over again for not following through, that is important information, as you are likely not making time for yourself, either.

A few years back, after my divorce, I had no idea who I was. If you asked me what I liked, I would not know. I decided to take myself on dates, and made a list of things that I liked to do alone. The list was very short at first, but now it has grown to the point where I don't really even need it. I love being alone, and I also love to be with friends. It really doesn't matter what I do, since I am always there:) Focusing on being present has really helped to enrich my life and slow me down. I also have a deeper appreciation for the people in my life who really are there for me, and I can give them my undivided attention when we are together. Next time you are having a conversation with someone, focus on what they are saying, and really LISTEN. You will find a much more peaceful place and you can often learn a lot by just being still and observing. Think about what they are saying, without thinking about what you are going to say next. Let it flow and let it be.

"Sadness is not the absence of happiness" ~ Matt Kahn ~

Crushed

In the past few months, I have often used the descriptive term "feeling crushed", to describe my life. It seems that even my best laid plans often go awry, and I am left feeling directionless and confused. I really have two choices in these situations, to accept these messages from the universe, or not. In the past, I might have let my control issues overtake me, and forced certain things to happen, most often with an outcome that was less than desirable.

Instead, I have decided to breathe. I have decided to take the messages that disappointment gives me, and use it to decide upon my path. Sometimes that means not doing anything at all, and waiting for another message that directs me into the right area. This is the single most difficult thing I have done, to let go and wait. My life has been structured around knowing what is going to happen, and never trusting anything or anyone. I have to recognize that this has not worked out for me. I certainly have no regrets, but to really move forward, I have to let go of that pattern and trust. Trust that God, or the universe, or whatever you choose to put your faith in, will send me in the right direction and bring me in contact with the people and things that will make my life amazing and all that I have wished and hoped for.

Loving yourself and making choices based on that is really the only way to be sure that you are on your path. If you have people in your life who are toxic, but you are afraid to let them go, because of obligation, or fear of loneliness, you are not putting yourself first. Even family obligations can be released and restructured. Pain in these situations is really just your indication that what you are doing is very important. The pain that I am feeling today is my lesson and my opportunity to grow, and breathe. This is my life and I trust that I will receive all that I deserve.

Wishing you all love, light, and healing. Namaste.